Sports Section: Reaction to Homophobia Memo

D: whoah! Out of bounds!
J: what? what?
D: they say we’re homophobes!
W: who? The fans or the refs!
D: the fans! They’re getting riled up!
J: we have to get them behind us!
*drifting pause of seriousness*
W & D: No Homo!
D: I just don’t understand where they’re getting this from!
W: yeah! I have a gay friend!
J: I have a gay neighbor!
D: I went to a gay bar once!
W & J: what?
D: I thought The Ramrod Inn would have lots of women
W: Okay…
J: My uncle dated a man once
W: Yeah what happened to him?
J: I don’t know, my mom said he went into the closet and hasn’t come out since
D: so you haven’t talked to him?
J: no apparently he doesn’t have service in there
W: or maybe he has really good service!
D: he he he he he he
W: oh! And last month I went to a musical with my wife!
J: yeah! theres lots of gays in musical!
D: Exactly, we aren’t homophobic lots of gays read our fashion section
J: yeah and I’m always nice to all of the dudes from the style editorials
D: and we love lesbians
All: lesbians…. yeaaaaah
W: yeah! and I went to lunch one time with ugh... steven… isn’t that his name
J: yeah isn’t he gay?
D: he definitely is! He’s always wearing that maaaanpurse!
W: yeah apparently his man purse was empty cause he asked me if I had any condoms after lunch and I said…NO!
J: I think somebody wanted a homer
W & J: d…..d…..d……d
All: DUNK
D: see we’re not homophobic! We include them in our conversations!
W: we don’t go round reporting when football players touch asses and hike balls in the locker room
J: and hey, we don’t complain when they are showering each other with a little love after they score
D & W: no homo
J: we just report the stats, the bedroom numbers are off limits
W: as long as their choices don’t affect the way they play – we don’t say a word
D: exactly! We’re just like the military
J: don’t ask don’t tell
W: that’s the best play